Friday, May 23, 2008

You Better Be Watching So You Think You Can Dance, Or Else...

Dear Everyone, ***

With the recent premiere of So You Think You Can Dance, I thought it might be an appropriate time to remind every freakin' one of you that this is, seriously, the best fucking show on TV. In fact, if you are not watching this show and have no plans to do so:
A. You're a complete moron
B. You have no taste
C. You have never taken the time to investigate how hard this show actually rocks.

I'll go ahead and give you all the benefit of the doubt and just assume you fall into the C group, so let me tell you why the eff you should be tuning in:

First of all, because of this dude:

Mind you, this is just from the auditions gets even better.

I get that people love American Idol...and I used to love it too. But the level of talent, the jaw dropping drama and the broad spectrum of pure, unadulterated spunk of the SYTYCD contestants makes AI, for me, look like open mic night at Hooters. I don't mean to downplay vocal skillz at all--I mean, if you can belt one out like Gladys Knight, mad props to you and your Pips. But these dancers are really just in a way different league.

And trust me...the dancing is totally off the charts.

I don't want to hear any of your shit about how you're "not really that into dancing" or how you "tried to watch Dancing With the Stars and just couldn't get into it." Seriously, shut your face right now.

Basing your opinion of dance shows in general on the juvenille, circus sideshow, velveeta cheez fest of Dancing With the Stars is totally whack and I, for one, won't allow it. That show is all about the thrill of watching washed up has beens or D-list fame whores jiggle their jangles in lame ass costumes and laugh as they make fools of themselves in front of a live audience. The judges are so in love with the sound of their own voices, you get the sense that they likely sit in pitch meetings with the network suggesting they change the show to a straight judge commentary format where they discuss for an hour what it might look like if they allowed any of their loser contestants to actually take to the dance floor. The dancing is almost besides the point.

In stark contrast, on SYTYCD, we've got the Hot Tamale Train:

Laugh if you will, but I love the shit out of Mary Murphy. And if she ever gave me a ticket on the Hot Tamale Train, I would ride that mofo until the rails were rusting off the effin tracks. Believe me--you would too. Yes, she sometimes has a teeny bit of the "WTF did she just say?" Paula Abdul factor goin' on; and true: 99% of the time she just repeats exactly what Nigel says; but mostly, she is all about a genuine love of dancing and a true, totally sincere desire to see all of the SYTYCD dancers become superstars. Mark my words: after of a few weeks of watching the show, you're gonna be sitting your ass on your couch, screamin' "HOT TAMALE TRAIN" at the TV like a frat boy on Superbowl Sunday...and you're going to love every fucking minute of it.

Nigel Lythgoe, the affable Brit super producer, does need a haircut as badly as Donald Trump does, BUT, this dude happens to be pretty spot on most of the time with his commentary. Plus, you'll totally dig watching the sexually charged, dopey back and forth repartee between him and MM (*yes I am totally convinced that these two are secretly in love with each other).

Then, of course, you have your rotating group of slick ass choreographers like Mia Michaels, Shane Sparks, Brian Freedman and Wade Robson (remember him, Brit?) who get these contestants to dance their freakin asses off week after week. Yo, these are the choreographers that work on the hottest new videos, award winning theater, and sold out concert tours...and not surprisingly, their routines usually Kick. Ass.

Plus, Cat Deeley is pretty cute too.

Be honest with yourself: are you really sticking by your story that you watch AI, week after week, and never fast forward through all the lame ass boring shit? I would wield my tivo remote like a weapon back in the days when I watched, and would prob FF through about 50% of that shit. During SYTYCD, I mostly use it to replay stuff that was so over the top fab, I've just gotta watch again.

Ok, so here's the deal: it doesn't matter if you've never been "into" dancing...or liked any other dance shows before. This show is the shiz, and that's a fact. I watch all sorts of stupid, lame ass TV and I'm also a card carrying Know It All, so my quals check out. SYTYCD is the kickest ass reality talent show on TV right now. Watch it. I mean it. If you don't love this show with a capital Hells Yeah, then please refer back to A and B above.

Good luck.

Dance dammit,

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