Jaden Smith: Mini Douchetard In The Making, Or Bursting With Kiddie Confidence? You Decide

Dear Everyone, ***

Ok, so I *know* its like a thing that I'm not supposed to talk about other people's kids.

Perez gets shit all the time for saying stuff like Adam Sandler's daughter Sadie got hit by the ugly stick or calling Rumer Willis a Potato Head (he says it, bitches...not me).

Anyway, I know I'm not supposed to do this and if you simply cannot hang, than I suggest you skip today's post in the hopes that I write about gumdrops and moon beams tomorrow.

Cause I've been thinkin' about this shit for a long time now, and I can no longer hold back. I'm sorry to mothers and fathers everywhere, and grandparents too I guess. And I should probably pre-apologize to all you scientology freaks who r gonna send your kids to that freaky Bev Hills Scientology school, cause I'm sure your asses are gonna be pissed off at me too (though I don't care about you so much).

Anyway.

Here's what's on my mind : Will and Jada Smith's son Jaden seems like he's a colossal asshole.

!!!!!!!!!

I submit the following as evidence:


True, I guess I mostly feel this way because the dude is friggin ALWAYS wearing sunglasses, but I mean come on! Inside, outside, night, day, the little fucker simply cannot leave home without his shades....and he's 10!

AND, if he's not wearin sunglasses, he's inevitably making some sort of "step off, biyotch and don't fuck with me or else" pose. Like this one:


WTF?

I mean, I just envision him sitting in some mini-me office in Will Smith's house (set up to look exactly like Will's office because: AWWWWWWW, That's so cute!) He probably barks orders at people and insists that the maid iron his underwear-n-shit. I'm sure he's got girls following him around in bikinis already, his own recording studio and one of those mini electric Mercedes cars that he can drive around their property and run squirrels over with.

I don't know...I mean, this little douche dude is not the kid I would want to send my child on a playdate with, ya know? (eventhough I don't have a kid...and even if I did they wouldn't have playdates because I'd force them to live in a cupboard underneath the stairs like Harry Potter...but still).

Now, apparently Jaden's also gonna be starring in a remake of The Karate Kid, and fine...that news did piss me off a little bit too.

Fuck it....I'm officially going on record: me no likey this guy....and I'm not sure why, but mark my words, he is bad news bears.

you've been warned,
me.

No One's Got Luv For Top Gun 2!? Fuck All Y'All!!!!! I Have NOT Lost That Lovin' Feelin

Dear Everyone, ***

OK, so I can see that the whole mother fuckin' blogosphere is up in arms over this possible Top Gun 2 situation.

Word on the street is that there is a Top Gun 2 script locked and loaded and everyone is just waitin for Tom Cruise to shine his heart light on it so the studio can yell "ready, set, $$$!"

Based on my preliminary research, I am just about the only bitch ass ho on the world wide webs who thinks this shit is a good idea:

*Videogum: Let's Hope the Top Gun Sequel Idea Crashes and Burns
*CelebuCrap: Top Gun 2? Just Say NO!!
*Perez Hilton: Hoping to Revive His Career
*Cinematical: Oh No! 'Top Gun2'?
*The Bad & Ugly: WTF: Top Gun 2?

Ok, so like what is everyone's motherfuckin' beef?

I mean, did the studio ask all y'all to put up the freakin money for the movie yourselves?--empty out your 401k's-n-shit??

I mean, we're talking about one of the greatest movies of all time here (trust me, I watched this shit again very recently and it still holds up after 22 years). And, sure, I get that there is a verry strong possibility of this shit gettin way messed up, but like what if it doesn't??

What if, the planets align, and Al Gore repairs the ozone layer, and Brangelina adopts another third-world baby and the whole thing just comes together like the cast of 90210 two point oh did?

What if THAT?

Isn't now the time for healing??

True confessions: there is scarcely a celeb alive today that I detest more than Tom Cruise...with his fake ass marriage, all the ridick scientology insanity and his preachy, know-it-all swagger. But even I'M willing to put that shit aside for Pete Mitchell.

FUCKING MAVERICK, PEOPLE!!


Show some goddamned respect.

I'm sorry, but I think every last one of you douches need to keep your grown mouths shut the fuck up before TC Almighty starts looking at the internets and convincing hisself that people don't actually want to see this jam.

We want this movie, Tom.
We need this movie, Tom.

Top Gun 2 could maybe rock. Admit it! It's P-O-S-S-I-B-L-E.

You can see it too, can't you!? Just walk into the light with me, people. DO. IT.

I feel the need...the need for speed,
m.e.