Simon & Alex Barfing In The Bathroom At Jill Zarin's July 4th Party?? They Would Have Been... IF ONLY They Were Invited

Dear Jill, ***

I bet your July 4th party this weekend in the Hamptons was fucking off the chain.

Not that I was there, but come on--I can connect the dots. SilEx got shafted with an invite, and that made me endlessly happy. As long as you didn't let your gay husband Brad pick out your outfit, I'm sure everything was bomb diggity bom bomb.

What is NOT bomb diggity bom bomb, however, is this little nugget: you bitches only got EIGHT thousand dollars for the entire first season of RHONYC!? Are. You. Fucking. Kidding. Me. ???

That just ain't right...espesh since those fake-n-bake tanned, Orange County ho hos were making waaay more than that--like $92,000 more. WTF Bravo!? Now that Project Runway has peaced out, you bizatches better take care of your best girlies.

And you know you're the best, Jilly Jill. Anyway, I'm glad you're making a bit more cash money this year...and that you're all coming back...AND that Simon is a drunk...and the piece de resistance: that you hate Alex as much as we all do. Hooray!

Alex and Simon suck! You too Francois and Johan!

Love to love u,
me

'If You See What You Think Is a Contradiction, Check Your Premises, Because One of Them Is Wrong' -- Thank You, Real Housewives of New York City

Dear Simon & Alex, *

Thanks to you both, I think I threw up in my mouth eleven times during last night's Real Housewives of New York City Reunion. Here were a few of my favorite little nuggets:

• You are not now, nor were you E-V-E-R interested in being a socialite (Alex)
  
• You don't think its at all unusual that you are living in a crack den ("it didn't occur to me that anyone would have any sort of a reaction to it") (Alex)
  
• You feel totally misrepresnted (Simex)
• It only "looks like" you are desperate to move up in society...you "are not trying to be members of high society" (Simex)
• You've been misunderstood C-O-M-P-L-E-T-E-L-Y (Simex)
• You don't care what we all think (Alex)

Honestly, my brain hurts from all of your bullshit. As Bethenny aptly stated, you two need to admit that you're desperado to be the Tinsley & Topper Mortimer of ghetto Brooklyn and fucking be done with it.

Go big or go home,
(eh...actually, just go home),
me

P.S. I watched some reruns of the show tonight and Francois really is a major little shit.