photo: New York MagazineDear Lindsay, (*for now??)
Man, I hope to Christ you are gay...I really do. I know this isn't fair b/c I only know your ass from Us Weekly, and your annoying as shit mom, and you're koo koo for cocoa puffs dad, and lame-ass stunts you've pulled like begging for corporate sponsors for your bday party and shit, but this...you being gay...is like the first thing that's come out about you in a really, really long tme that makes me not hardcore hate your guts. And like, if it is true, then maybe that's what's been going on with you all these years [or should I say still going on?].
I swear, if you actually DO marry Samantha Ronson, I'm totally willing to forget it a -l-l. We can start over from scratch and have a fresh start. I mean, I'll still hold onto the good memories, of course, like Mean Girls and your Aaron Carter feud with Hillary Duff. But just like Miranda & Steve on the Brooklyn Bridge, I'll really let the past be the past with us. Pinky swear.
Go gay, girl--I would! (plus it would soo get you booked on Ellen!)
Loving the "L" word,