Thursday, October 16, 2008

Real Housewives Of Atlanta Rapes And Pillages My Brain

Dear Everyone, ***

Ok, so I def can't handle a weekly recap of this shit (at least I don't think), but at the same time, I simply cannot leave this entirely alone NeNe neether.

Let's have a little chat about Real Housewives of Atlanta, shall we?

a. I tole you this shit was whack!
b. These bias make the RHONYC look like elementary school librarians
c. How the fuck does someone who has no job (Sha-RAYYY) have a publicist!? For realzy?

After only two eps, these women present such a wealth of material, this almost feels unfair. Though, after the near miss of a Cops worthy parking lot shout-a-thon last week, I was slightly disappointed that the action was dialed down to like an 8 this week.

And actually, WTF is up with that? I was most disappointed with, you NeNe. In seven days, bitch has like grown as a person-n-shit?! I was hoping that you would show up to Brielle's birthday party with a broken bottle and some warrior make-up on. Don't you think that Sheree needs to be punished after that bullshit birthday party guest list sitch last week? I mean, I can't think of a better place to work this sort of thing out than at a 11-year-olds birthday party.


Speaking of, I was also endlessly amused by the fact that Kim felt as if her ridiculously spoiled/coddled/pampered future slut of a daughter wasn't "appreciative" enough of all of the over-the-top birthday antics she was undertaking on her behalf. This must have been particularly surprising to Kim who employs such nurturing parenting techniques within the following helpful phrases: "I'm very makes me feel good to have name brands...I don't want anything else. I can die tomorrow, but I'm gonna die wearing Dior." (page 72. Dr. Spock's Baby & Childare Guide to parenting).

Guess what Brielle got for her eleventh bday? A Louis Vuitton purse (though I guess that's slightly better than a Louis Vuitton cake).

Though she disappointed in her overall dramz-per-minute (DPM) quotient for the night, NeNe still came out on top with the best quote of the ep (regarding her and Sheree's make-up convo pre Brielle bday party): "She didn't say she was sorry. She said 'I apologize.' She didn't say 'I was sorry."


You have GOTZ to be fucking kidding me NeNe!? Sheree said "I apologize" n-stead of "I'm sorry!?"



Loves it.

Also, is it me, or does Kim look exactly like the chick muppet who was in the band on The Muppets Show!? This one:


Her weave is so bad
, I can actually hear Brit Brit snickering all the way from the land of la everytime Kim comes across my flatscreen.

Sheree is clearly the worst of them all, and I'll tell you why: its not that she's a materialistic self-entitled bitch, its that she's a materialistic self-entitled bitch who bores my nards off every time she comes on the TV. I'd rather watch DeShawn than watch Sheree, and DeShawn is just about as entertaining as the dusty chex mix I just found underneath my couch.

Lisa Wu Hartwell
is not even remotely adorbs...and I think just got recruited by the Dallas Cowboys.


I'm lovin the dramz.

You guys watchin??

south by southwest,

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Anonymous said...

i mean, can we just talk about this show for a minute?! it's freaking brilliant. finally we get to see a real glimpse into black "socialite" culture in atlanta. how cool is that? i feel like i'm watching another planet. those houses are insane! and for the record: LOVE deshawn. i might like watching her the most so far actually. sheree makes me want to puke and seriously needs to go to an insight seminar stat. she's completely lost herself to the dark side. nene is fabulous. lisa is ok i guess. her husband seems cool. and i like watching their relationship. but the real question is and i CANNOT BELIEVE you didn't ask it in your post, but who the FUCK is Big Papa??? Hilarious!!! is kim really going to get a rock from this mystery man or just the biggest car i've ever seen? lovin atlanta, me

Anonymous said...

FYI: The muppet's name is Janice.

Anonymous said...

That slut Kim is fucking a married real estate agent in Duluth, Georgia, named Lee Najjar. You know he must be an ugly old troll because I can't find pictures of him anywhere on the internet.

If Kim is all that, why can't the bitch go out and get her own man instead of moving in on someone else's? Oh, and she's 29, MY ASS!