Monday, April 21, 2008

Teenagers Are So, So, So Stupid

Dear Colosally Idiotic Belligerant Teens, *

True, I am now in my thirties and have some difficulty recalling the struggles and challenges of being a teenager growing up in this crazy, mixed-up world of ours. I did go to public school, and had to take a few non-honors courses, ride the bus AND eat alone once or twice in the cafeteria---so I know what's it's like living deep down in the trenches. And yet, I made it all the way through school without beating the shit out of someone and videotaping it for fun.

Perhaps being a cheerleader on top of all of your normal school responsibilities is a bit too much to handle. I mean, pom pom routines and football scores don't seem that complicated, but what the heck do I know? I was stuck in SAT test prep and editing the school newspaper--you know, trying to plan for my successful future as a contributing member of our society.

Now it seems you zany teens are forming splinter groups who were so inspired by the stark raving lunacy of the first cheerleader beatdown video, you're thinking "Hey! We should beat the living eff out of someone too and tape it! Wouldn't that be sooooo cool!?"


Do I seriously need to answer that question for you?

no, no, no,
it would not, in fact, be sooo cool.

Get a freakin hold of yourself people. This is not exactly rocket science here.

Not that you morons are applying to Harvard on Yale, but what the h-e-double hockey sticks do you think is going to happen when the admissions specialist at State or whatever lame-o community college you apply to googles your name and finds these videos?? I'm seriously ready to sick Super Nanny on all of your ridonkulus asses.

Grow the eff up.

Jee-zus Cripes,

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