Monday, May 5, 2008

Oh How You Toy With My Emotions, Serena Van Der Woodsen

Dear Serena, ***

You dirty little birdie.

I guess tonight is the night we find out how naughty you and Georgie actually were are on Gossip Girl. I spent the better part of last week riddling your potential misdeeds over and over again in my head. I spent so much time pondering your bad girl ways, in fact, I'm going to be seriously peeved if you don't deliver with some major shock value.

I'm no Sherlock Holmes, but here's the evidence I've collected thus far:

  • The fact that you didn't even feel comfortable telling Chuck about this heinous crime of yours did throw me off a bit. If I stabbed a small child after leaving a hit and run scene and snorting cocaine at the 7-11 I had just robbed, Chuck would pretty much be my first and only call.
  • You seemed pretty freaked out by that email slash audio (or video) clip that evil G undoubtedly sent you. Digital evidence of your faux pas? Check.
  • Your "If I go down, you go down" line seems to indicate this is way bigger than the pregnancy theory that had been circulating about you and Nate. I'm guessing this means he is not, in fact, your baby daddy.
  • The recording you was listening to said something along the lines of "do you think Serena will be down for this?" indicating that this "thing" was likely pre-planned.
  • Georgie's secret admirer gift of coke clearly implies that you were likely quite a snow queen back in the day.
Clue used to be my favorite board game, so I'm just going to step right up to the plate with the following prediction of what's in the envelope:

Who: Serena Van Der Woodsen and Georgie McRichieBitch
What: Amateur sex tape in some skeevy downtown loft (possibly with some girl on girl action)
Weapon: Booze and/or mounds of blow (possibly also included on sex tape)

I know you can't say anything, so I'll just wait to see what goes down tonight to find out if I'm right or not. If I AM right, just remember that these days, sex tapes actually seem to help your reputation and status in the world, so don't sweat it.

kisses for bitches,

P.S. Georgie is making a play for your main man Dan...just thought you should know :)

Related Posts by Categories

No comments: