Dear Spencer, *
Do you know what my fav-oh-rite thing about you is?
OK, I'll spill, it's this: the fact that your last name sounds like the insult I would love to hurl at your Beavis lookin' face with the full force of my venomous bitch-tasticness if I ever laid eyes on your stupid self: i.e. "Spencer, you are such a dumb ass, fucktard pratt, and I hate you with the fire of a thousand white hot burning suns."
I mean, how many suckas does that shit actually work with!? Not many...I've looked into it.
My second favorite thing about you that I love/hate is that you are so freakin' up front about the fact that you are a total, manipulative tool. Like in this clip above on Letterman from Friday night where you completely admit that you plotted to get your ass on The Hills way back when. And though you didn't say it, clearly that shit was hatched up while you were smokin' out with your bro boys, playing X box and using your parents money for hooker housecalls one weekend. And now you're like, ON THE SHOW, and engaged to Heidi and writing advice columns, and gettin' paid for staged paparazzi photos and $100k club appearances, and in full force manipulation mode week after motherfucking week in my living room, on my internets and in my trashy magazines.
I really do get it though: you're shameless, and disgusting...and we all lap it up like hungry ass street kittens with a fresh bowl of cafe con leche, so why stop?
My third very favorite thing about you is that I can't really tell if you are a colossal moron, or a brilliant, calculating Lex Luthor type. I mean, like Dave obvs thinks you are a total joke...and you come off like you're a total joke, but the joke is now kind of on us, right?
Deep shit, huh, Spence?