WTFAYTA (whatthefuckRUtalkingabout) Will.I.Am

Dear Everyone, ***

Did you guys ever do that thing in English class where you had to read through poems line by line and then analyze the shit out of them by deconstructing the whole thing? We did. And it was like my favorite fucking thing to do back when I frosted my hair and wore E.G. Smith socks.

My trip down memory lame got me thinking...maybe that would be kinda fun to do that again...like with rap lyrics!

So here's how this shit is gonna work: each week I'm going to take a popular R&B/rap song and carefully deconstruct the lyrics line by line so that you bitches can get down and dirty with me. We're gonna dig deep in an attempt to start peeling away the layers of these songs that have been soundtrackin' our lives (or at least my life, cause I listen to all this shit). Warning: This is gonna be some pretty high level shit, so feel free to raise your hand and ask any questions you need to in the comments. We're all here to learn.

And so we begin our first weekly installment of WTFAYTA (what the fuck are you talking about). Listen to the song and then join me on my journey of urban parse.

WTFAYTA, Will.I.Am?

One More Chance
Take me back
Take me back
Take me back
I…..
Soo...this dude probably fucked up big time...and now wants to "Back to the Future" himself to a time where, for like 5 whole minutes, he wasn't a complete douche.

Girls girls girls
Girls girls girls
Girls girls girls
I'm guessing each mention of "girls" probably represents like 10-20 hos that he nailed while his baby mama was home watchin' General Hospitals and wiping their kids asses...so like a benji's worth of bitches, give or take a hundo.

Take me back
One more chance
This time around I'll get it fine I know
One more chance
Let me undo what I done before
One more...
This is pretty much code for: that thing with the fifteen-year-old little hot mammy from up the street meant nothing to me. And like how the eff am I supposed to know she wasn't on the pill!? Or that those kids she was "baby sittin" were actually hers. She was wearing strawberry lip gloss...how my suppos'd to resist that sort of shit?

Girl I be loving you like la la la
this is like a real, low down, deep-n-dirty kinda lovin'...like the kind that that fifteen-year-old Puerto Rican mammy with the belly ring got.

But it be hitting you like blah blah blah
that's like gettin punched in the face by someone's la la la

We be going back and forth like volley ball
Battling each other like Galactica
Eventhough you cheat on your woman and fuck bitches all day long, you're complicated enough to still appreciate Battlestar Gallactica and team sports. This is very compelling.

Girl our love could be spectacular
But we crash like vehicular
Here's a typical quote that I would imagine best illustrates the direness of your current situation: "why you gotta be naggin me-n-shit all the time? I'll take out the garbage after I finish jerkin' off, yo."

Homicide I know why you sick of a brother with tricks that's quick to trick on ya
I could have you killed. I know people.

I know you want more than a dick in ya
Yeah, prolly.

You want a good nigga to stick with ya
Duh.

I'll stick with ya and perfect my love
I'll protect ya girl if you give me just
One more chance
Ok, the stressing of the phrase "one more chance" here gives rise to the idea that you've already gotten like fifty-three fuckin chances. And now we're all just spose to sit back and believe that this time, shit's gonna be diffrn't. Right.

This time around I'll get it fine I know
One more chance
See, now this is a bit more realistic for me. You'll get it "fine." So, like, you'll just barely get it right...like, you'll miss your kid's 2nd birthday party, but you'll send a check (that later bounces) and a include a gift certificate to Dunkin Donuts.

Cause I don't want to go
Another day, another lonely night
I don't wanna be
In this world without you in my life
One more chance
You're gonna be totally effed if you can't make it work with your woman. And there's like probably no way in hell you're gonna make that happen...but you think you will. You could totally do it (you tell yourself)...you just need o-n-e more chance.

This time around
Baby protect the love
Cause, like its your fault that the love wasn't protected, baby...not all those hos I done did.

Lalala this time around
Baby protect the love
Lalala
Baby protect the love
Lalala this time around
Better get it right
This time around
Better get it right
MUST TRY HARDER TO KEEP OWN DICK IN PANTS. MUST TRY HARDER TO KEEP OWN DICK IN PANTS.

Lemme lemme lemme lemme love you all day
Cause, like despite all my flaws, you have to at least admit that I can seriously kick it in the bedroom...

Remix our love in a new way
Put it on put it on replay replay
Spin it round an' round like a dj
Again, I'm a rockstar in the bedroom, right? RIGHT?

Forever and ever and always
Our endeavor got me sure like Al. B
Yesterday gotcha feeling a little salty
Salty, like the bitch is finally standin' up for her self and saying "hell to the no"? That kind of "salty?"

Girl I promise you imma love you love you all the way
To the end
L O V I N
Girl I'm serious, no more pretending
I received all the love your sending
I'll give my all if you give me just...
So, like five hours into my last hooker/drugz/gambling binge after that show in Vegas last month, I took a look around that shitty hotel room and it dawned on me that I have everything I need at home with you. So I wrote this stupid song in a last ditch attempt to save our fucked up relationship, and like...I'm for real this time. I'm really, really, gonna try to not be an asshat for really, really, reals.

One more chance
This time around it's time for a different flow
A new romance
Do the things we've never done before
For two or three weeks I'm gonna be like THE model baby daddy and take you out on dates and buy you flowers at the deli-n-shit. One day I'm even gonna clean up the apartment and do laundry, which like, I've never done before.

Cause I don't wanna do
The same mistakes that I made yesterday
I love you
I really love you baby I really love you baby
You're my boo. I wish I didn't fuck shit up all the time.

Lalala
Baby protect the love
Lalala this time around
Baby protect the love
Lalala
Baby protect the love
Laa this time around
This time around better get it right
This time around better get it right
If you're stupid enough to actually give me one more chance, this is like the last freakin' time. I ain't playin no more.

This time around, this time around, this time around, this time around
I promise baby imma change it
I'll remix it no more same shit
This time around, this time around, this time around, this time around
I promise baby I'll rearrange it I'll remix it no more same shit
This time around this time around this time around
Check it out now check it out now check it out now
Eh eh
So, like again, we're talking Barack Obama change--change we can believe in sorta shit.

Fuck your friends girl
They just haters they just think that I'm a playa
Ok, nowwwww we're gettin' to the meat of the motherfucker. Your baby mama's bitches are all gathered round telling her what a stupid, lame ass l00zer she is for sticking with your ass as long as she already has. Bitches be crazy-n-shit, but they look out for their fellow bizatches. You need to get all them outta the picture pronto.

But you don't see that love is greater
If not now then maybe later
Like, even if you don't take me back now, maybe you'd consider like revisiting the issue in a month or two?

Cause endlessly enormously
You will see my l o v will be strong until the end
Baby give me one more chance
Christ, I'm pullin out all the motherfuckin stops here. Are you feelin' me? Like at ALL?

This time around I'll get it fine I know
One more chance
Let me undo what I've done before
Cause I don't want to go
Another day, another lonely night
I don't wanna be
In this world without you in my life
One more chance
Your body isn't quite as slammin as some of my other honeys, but if I'm bein' realistic about shit, you're like prolly the best one for me because of the baby...and the fact that you haven't killed me yet in my sleep. So, like, can we try this thing one more time?

Lallalallalala
Lalalalalala
Lalalalala
Lalalalalala
Lalalalalalala
If you give my ass one more chance like I'm askin you to, I'll show you some of that secret special sauce, deep-n-dirty kinda lovin'...like the kind I showed that fifteen-year-old Puerto Rican mammy. Also this is a great example of an assonance, or the repetition of a vowel sound.

Whew, ok. Maybe next week we'll get into some scansion-n-shit. What song should we parse next?

Rock out with your cock out,
me

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