Friday, August 22, 2008

Jennifer Lopez To Michael Phelps: FUCK YOU, Playa!

Dear JLo, **

I'm mad as hell, and I'm not gonna take it anymore!

In fact, "I'm typing so fucking hard I might break my fucking Mac book Air!!!!!!!!"

For realzy.

I heard about your interview the other day on GMA...i guess your ass is training for the Malibu Triathalon! Only six months after giving birth to your twinsies! AND NOBODY'S FUCKING NOTICED!? WTF!?

"Lopez, who appeared on "Good Morning America" Aug. 18 to discuss her preparations for the Malibu Triathlon, was overheard saying after the segment that she “couldn’t understand why everyone is talking about that swimmer,” according to a GMA source. “She couldn’t come up with (eight-time gold-medal winner Michael) Phelps’ name, and then she yammered on about how she was the one training for a triathlon just six months after giving birth, and how that was the big story right now, not ‘the swimmer.’ ”
You know what,'re right!

First of all: Michael Phelps is a total asshole douchebag. He can take his eight Olympic gold medals, his 3 egg-n-cheeses on a roll for breakfast, and his goddammed frosted flakes, and shove em' all straight down his little swim trunks.


Second of all: You're a Grammy winning, hit-song singin,' baby mama hottie! You fucked Ben Affleck...and Diddy! You're Jenny From the Block, yo!

As far as I'm concerned, NBC should yank all this motherfuckin' Olympic coverage right the fuck now, and switch over to an all Jenny all-the-time slate of programming.

I mean, I wanna see your ass in the pool doin' laps! I want to see you out on the beach, running in a bikini! I wanna see you in your cute ass little bike helmet and those hott, hott little bike shorts as you ride down the PCH with Emme and Max in those little baby seats on the back!

WHO CARES about that stupid, dumb, douchey swimmer!? Or the boring, lame ass Olympics!? Not ME motherfuckers!!!!

I am so not fooled by the rocks that you got, bia.

See u on race day!

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