Dear Everyone, ***
Ok, so I tried. I really, really, tried.
Despite my doom and gloom predictions, I wanted this show to rock. For really reals.
But after my initial surge of excitement during Ethan's opening scene BJ, it was pretty much all down hill from there.
The whole thing was pretty blah, right?
*ALL these bitches need some motherfucking acting lessons. This is not High School Fucking Musical. Stop mugging and projecting so much, bitches. You're all at a 9 and we need you at about a 6.5. No one's gonna be in any freakin Disney parades, so start acting like bitter, whiny teenagers for Christ's sake.
*I'm ready to send some tapes from last season's Nip / Tuck to the producers so that they can fully understand what a real villain like Naomi should be acting like. She was fucking her lesbian mother's lover's ex husband, snorting cocaine and dealing with an eating disorder 7 minutes into her first ep on FX. She needs to srsly bitch up her bitch factor here pronto.
*Not enough old schoolers! The Kellie/Brenda shit was like the only major bright spot in that two hour crap sandwich. I did appreciate the Hannah Zuckerman-Vasquez shout out, but you people need to get ALL the originals back up in dat shit right now if you want to save this drowning kittten.
*All around lameness. Sorry, not to be a mother chucker or anything, but the world is a different place now: i.e. we've got Gossip Girl (you loser writers ever see that one???). Here's the take away: u guys need to majorly step up your game if you want to hang.
So here's my advice: Sex, drugs-n-rock-n-roll...like A LOT. Put it in e-v-e-r-y episode, all over the fucking place. EVERYWHERE. It's your only hope for survival.
Kelly Kapowski for Vice President!