Dear Lynesia (aka Slut on a stick), ***
It's Bristol, bitch.
I knew it was just a matter of time B4 you'd open up your big slutty mouth just like you did evereetime Levi asked you for a BJ (way back when before he realized that I was like a way better
slut catch than your ass).
Well, surprise surprise...now you're tellin everyone who will listen that I stole my BFF's BF.
Stupid slut whore.
I can't believe I ever let your scrawny ass be my BFF...Like you deserve ME!?
Well, I've got some news for you: Bristol Ashleigh Crystal Palin is NOT gonna take this lyin' down, bia.
Now that my mamz is fixin to win this whole fucking election for McOldy, looks like your slutty ass is lookin to cash in and steal some of my spotlight.
I mean, how dare you go out there and start spreading rumors about me-n-Levi!?
The truth of the matter is, we had sumthin going on long before u knew which way was up becuz I KNOW how to keeps a man. And like obvies Levi thinks I got it goin' on way more than he ever thought you did, cuz he never wanted to have a baby wiht you!!!
I'm not sayin he wanted to have one with me neether from the get go, but like after my mamz took down the gun from the rack and had that "talk" with him in the backyard right before my dad gave him a bloody nose, he was like VERY into it.
And now we're gettin' married! So there!
I win, you trashy, loud-mouthed skank.
And yeah, maybe I used to talk to your ass a lot about how you and Levi weren't really a good match....and maybe I was already sneaking out with him for a "seven minutes in heaven" sesh here or there during a school night kegger, but like so the fuck what! We had a connection that went way, way deep and when push came to shove (I'd like to shove your slutty face right into the fucking ground, you SLUT!), I realized that I needed to decide between a stupid lil tramp like yourself and a hockey God hottie like Levi...not zactly a tough one.
So here's how this shit is gonna work: you're gonna crawl back into the pathetic lil' hole your little slutty ass slutness came of, you're gonna keep your caribou hole shut the fuck up tightly and you're gonna go back to your lame ass little life being a Wasilla High dance troop groupie wannabe.
You can hang all the fuckin' pictures of me and Levi you want up in your pathetic slutfest of a little bedroom if you need to remind yourself of the hellfire that will be rained down upon you if you deviate from this plan, but you will never...and I mean NEVER dare to say my name or Levi's name again out loud.
Do NOT fuck with me LyLy, cuz you do not even know what sort of fire I like to play with nowadays (think: meth labs and ritual burnings).
Slutty, slut, slut, sluTT!
me (Bristol Ashleigh Crystal Palin)