Today's the day!!
T-dawg is IRAQ bound!
I'm gunna miss you dude...especially now that things are FUBAR around here.
WTF with all this internet chatter about you? S'like people need to srsly chillax and shut their motherfuckin caribou holes.
Don't any of these stupid reporter homos have Grand Theft Auto or Guitar Hero (RAAAAWWWWK!!!!) to keep busy with, instead of bustin a gut about a lil innocent teenage partying?
It's kinda cool that we're gettin all legendary and shit, but come on.
It's bad enough that your little slut of a sister has practically disbanded teh entire Wasilla Pussy Posse with her baby mama announcement. You have no idea what's going on here dude. Bitches aren't puttin out...whining about condoms-n-shit...flashing purity rings...its like the first couple weeks of bible camp before everyone starts getting all whore-y.
Levi is totally wrecked since the convention...gettin drunk/high/blitzed every night and driving his little dirt bike into all sorts of random shit.
Last night he came up with this crazy idea that he was gonna get the entire state of Alaska to sign a petition that no one can get married till the age of 21...and then he was gonna use that as his "Bristol Palin excape hatch." He borrowed Lutz's laptop and typed the whole thing up and everything. Then he showed his dad, and he fuckin clocked him (Ha!).
The dude is fucked...just totally fuk't now.
I feel kinda bad for him, but then I think FUCK THAT SHIT. That whiny dick deserves every single last lick after prancin around town like he done for so long. And now everyone is talkin bout how hott he is! HA! I'm HOTT! Ur Hott! (I mean, like not in that way but you know...Levi man!?).
And now he's gonna be your bro-in-law!?
It reely sux here dood, so you're kinda lucky you're leavin. This place is like a fucking 3 car circus now with all the reporters and shit. You can't even take a piss on the side of your own house without fucking Anderson Coopit or whatever in your face with a fucking camera and a fucking dick ruler (THEY DON'T MAKE EM BIG ENOUGH FOR ME! OH SNAP!).
I've been out of weed since last Tuesday, and now that all this crap about u and ur mamz and that friend of your dad's she fucked is coming out, its like impossible to have ANY fun around here. Kirk, Colby and me are gonna drive up to Anchorage this weekend and see if we can at least score some Oxy or Meth or something. Whole fucking state is dried up. Ur probs gonna get WAY better shit in Iraq!
Anyway, good luck! I know your ass is shipping out today.
You had to do it dude...there was just no choice. Just keep praying all the stupid people in this stupid fucking country elect McOldy and your mom and then you can come straight back to dodge the day after the election.
In the meantime, fuck shit up! KILL some Iraqis!!!
(Beau Diggity Dawg) M.E.