Thursday, October 23, 2008

Here's Some Advice Miss Teen Louisiana USA: In The Game Of Life, Choose 'Smart' Over 'Pretty'

Dear Everyone, ***

There is a very well known, universally accepted maxim at work in the world, and whether you talk about it or not, I'm here to tell you that its totally fucking true. Here it is: you can be smart, or you can be pretty, but you CANNOT be both.

That's right. It's smart OR or the other.

I don't make up the fuckin rules here people...I'm just the messenger.

Now, of course not everyone who's smart is ugly and not everyone's who's dumb is pretty, however, you are primarily known in the world as one or the, overwhelmingly so.

This means that if I walked my ass out to Times Square right now, forced 100 random people into a little room and marched myself in there to stand there and talk to the good folks for 5 mins, after I walked away, 98 of those motherfuckers would be sayin' "there goes that smart girl."

This fact was kind of an upsetting blow for the teenaged me who was really just hoping to get banged by a football player, but now it's alll good in the hood. Really. I swear.

Sure, I can get dolled up and slap on the sex every once in awhile, but that still doesn't change the fact that 9 out of 10 sons of bitches know me out in the world as the "smart" girl.


You know who's NOT known out in the world as a smart girl?: Miss Teen Louisiana USA, Lindsay Evans. Lindsay, is pretty much your card carrying pretty girl.

Check this shit out: Linds goes out to grab a bite with her bitches at her local "full service, family oriented" Mexican restaurant, Posados Cafe. I imagine a delicious, salsa infused meal was had by all, but homegirl decides to chip out on her chalupa and "dine and dash" (who the fuck uses that phrase, by the way?? I mean, I realize that I just did, but I'm just doing it b/c everyone else is. Only this is the first time I've heard that in my entire life. Oh girls don't dine-n-dash).

It gets way better, tho, bias.

Not only does this pageant weasel skip out on the check like some hooligan, bitch leaves her purse sitting in her greasy ass booth....WITH A BAG OF MOTHERFUCKING WEED IN IT (Oh, Snap!). And her ID, lip gloss, a bible, a McCain/Palin button and a tube of anal lube. Actually, not sure about the lip gloss.

Her bill was $46.07

Needless to say, Miss Louisiana Teen USA had her title stripped toute de suite as soon as the proper authorities got wind of her shenanigans. Oh yeah, and they stomped on her crown and arrested too for drug possession too.

Pretty girl had to go fuck AWL her own shit up by acting like a complete and total douchetron in front of everyone on the planet.

Le sigh.

As we all know from watching the Spears clan, there are not exactly opportunities a plenty for girls growin up in Loose-i-ana. But this shit was almost as stupid as that guy who tried to cash a check for $360 billion dollars.

Take some advice from a smart girl, my pretties: check yo self before you wreck yourself (and never, I repeat NEVER leave a bag of weed unattended).

stupid is as stupid does,

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the FoOl said...

I laughed hard at this post and then fought to come to terms with the fact that, because I speak the language with such grace and panache, I am probably considered by most as being "the smart guy". Really sucks considering that all I want is to get fucked by a football player too.(nohomo).

P.S. between this comment and the Tom post, I'm sure I've hit my gay quota for the year.

Dear Famous A$$hole said...

@the fool: boys have a way easier time of this than girls do, but I DO agree that you've def hit your gay quota. So congrats on that!