Dear Sarah Palin, *
I'm a girl, so obvs I love to get my shop on. But like, I've srsly got nothing on you.
You're a true inspiration.
I had no fucking clue that hockey moms were such fashionistas, but when your seven year old daughter is sportin a Louie Vu, I guess its safe to assume you know the difference between Spanx and Donna Karran body shapers. Color me red, white-n-blue with shock, awe and surprise.
$150,000 on clothes in one month is truly impressive!
Here's the thing, though: I don't even really give a shit that you spent all that money. In fact, I think most of the peeps that sent the RNC donations were total dickwads anyway, so it doesn't bother me one little panty lick to think of all their hard earned money getting pissed away at Saks and Neiman Marcus on a shiny, new wardrobe pour vous.
I think its pretty awesome.
What DOES bother me, however, (and bothers me a whole fuckin lot) is that you spent $150,000 benjis...on, presumably, designer clothes, and you still ended up looking like this:
Suze Orman has better jackets than that shit.
Obvies, whomever was heading up your Extreme Makeover efforts fucked this whole thing up big time, and it had nothing to do with the fact that $150k was spent.
I've decided to, yet again, solve the world's problems and take matters into my own hands.
Following, I present you with one week's worth of wardrobe suggestions. Basically, this is what you SHOULD have done with all of your money in order to look like the ultimate fighting champ, VP wannabe (all clothes are from Neiman Marcus and/or Saks):
Tahari Houndstooth skirtsuit ($598)
This look is totally chic, yet also commanding. Like, yeah, I'm a woman! So what! Fuck you! Just because I get my period, it doesn't mean I'm gonna show up on the Senate floor acting all wishy washy, boo hoo, sweetie, baby, cookie, honey. That's right: I rock the decolletage just like I rock those Al Qaeda fuckers!
Dior Belted Virgin Wool Jacket ($1999)
Theory Tailor Suit ($535)
Magaschoni Suit ($872)
Livin' the life
In the fast lane
And I wont change
By the Glamorous, oh the flossy flossy
Anne Klein Puckered Shirtdress (on sale!: $296)
TOTAL = $4300
Let's bump that shit up to $5k for good measure, multiply by it four, and that's still only $20k for one month's worth of duds.
I could have saved the motherfucking Republicans $130,000, yo!
You could have used all that extra money to buy a lot of these:
And then killed a lot of these:
Mo money, mo problems,