Tuesday, October 14, 2008

The Hills, S4: 10 - If Anyone Knows Of Like A 12-Step Program Or Something To Help Me Beat This Show, That Would Rock (Q: Who's NOT Kidding? A: Me)

Dear Everyone, ***

You know that friend you have? The one who is just always fucking stuff up for herself with guys no matter what? The minute something starts to go well: boom! She atom bombs it up?

Well, may I present to you: Audrina (former BFF of LC, current BFF of no one...particularly herself).

Also today's word of the day: SWIMMING POOL.

Here, I'll our use our new word in a sentence: "By the end of last night's episode of The Hills, it was really fucking irking me that every scene in last night's show was taking place in or around a swimming pool. I get it, MTV. These kids are rich and have lots of money and have nothing better to do than lounge around pools all the live long day. We're both on the same fucking page here, so drop it."

Moving on.

Surprise, surprise! In last night's ep of The Hills, Audrina's gone and wrecked herself before she's checked herself. The bitch's drug of choice?: JustinBobarito.

We've already established that Audrina is hot as shit, but man does she have some guy issues. And we're not talking your average, everyday run-of-the-mill self confidence sort of normal girl fare...this is way, way deeper.

Like, have you ever stepped on a piece of gum and then not noticed till you got home? And by then the gum is so disgusting on the bottom of your shoe, you're even a little wary to touch it with a paper towel to try to get it off?

Audrina = that gum.

She spent the entirety of the ep with this cute Australian dude named Corey who was sweet, and smiley and seemed to really dig her. They went on dates and went to a Malibu funhouse pool party and he even got an invite to Cabo cause "the gang" was lovin on him so much.

Audrina talked about how things with JustinBobby were going nowhere, and she was moving on, and done with all his bullshit and sooo happy to have run into Corey again and be with some guy who cared more about her than the lint in his pocket.

So, in order to celebrate her newfound lurv, she decided to fuck it all up epic-ly.

In srsly one of the creepiest moments I have ever peeped on The Hills (truly people...I was half expecting JB to take out a carving knife and give Audrina a "u r minez" tatoo while her blood dripped into the pool), Audy and JustinBobs were frolicking naked in the pool and talking about their future (well, their Cabo future at least).

Le sigh.

So, I guess they're TLF now again. Only JustinBobby doesn't love Audrina at awl, and if he does, its more of a manipulative sort of thing and certainly not "true," and he obvs has zero plans to be with her forever...but you get the picture.

Meanwhile, elsewhere in the land of la: Heidi seems poised to kick her sis out to the curb cuz Spencer doesn't like when Holly's around during the day and he's all trying to concentrate on Centipede and watch porns-n-shit.

Also, I guess Spence was so desperate for human affection, he slummed it up and called She Pratt to come meet him and the coffee shop. She came, smiled at inappropriate moments, and had a deep fake meaningful ridiculous reunion with her little bro.

Absolutely nothing happened to LC. OH WAIT! Yes...she drank juice...and went to a party in Malibu with Whit.

I guess Lo died.

I mean, WTF? Where is she?? Was she replaced by Doug the Burrito King?

the rest is still unwritten,

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