Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Woot! Serena Williams' Ass Is Bigger Than Mine!

Dear My Fat Ass, *

This is like a really, really, really big fat ass day for you. BIG.

Never before in the history of the universe, have I looked at a pic of a celeb in a bikini and felt anything but deep hatred and disgust for myself. NEVER.

Never have I stared at celeb bikini pics for more than 5 minutes at at time without feeling like everything in the world was fucking hopeless and that we're all I'm just doomed to live a life of misery and fatness. NEVER.

Normally, I see pics of celebs in bikinis and I feel compelled to take their little itsy bitsy teeny weeny bikini bathing suit strings and use them to tie them up to a lamp post while I force feed them Cheez Doodles and (gasp!) full fat ice cream.

I hate those motherfucking bikini brigade bitches. Every last one of em.

That is...until now.

Because these pics of Serena Williams in a bikini...with more junk in her trunk than even minez could handle...have fucking changed everything for me.


[i.e. There is hope for me! I matter! I AM someone after all!]

So really, I think there is only one thing left to say:

THANK YOU SERENA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This will truly be the gift that keeps on giving.

And, its not even my fucking birthday.

halleleujah, praise Jaysus,

(WAIT...there's way more where this came from! Read More DFA right HERE)

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Blognigger said...

epic post

Dub McDub said...

Daaaaaaaamn! That's some budonkadonk booty!!

:-O said...

here via BuzzFeed - congratulations.

I've heard it said that some rappers like this kind of figure.

You a skinny white biyotch? :)

Nikki S. said...

You know that R Kelly song "feeling on yo booty" where at the end he's just going nuts and harmonizing the word, "baaahooooOoOooTay!" over and over? that's what this is about in case you were unsure.

Dear Famous A$$hole said...

@ Dub McDub: badonkadonk is my fave word of all time. It was a travesty that I did not include it in my original post, so thanks for representin.

@goinglikesixty: white = yes; biyotch = yes; skinny = no. I mean, I'm not packin *this* sort of junk in my trunk (thank gawds), but I def get some second looks from my Black bruthas.

@Nikki S.: Wow, I think you're right! I hope R. Kelly finds my blog pronto so we can ask him about this more specifically.

Yam said...

That's some onion booty right there. Any pictures of her sister to round this shit off?

Dear Famous A$$hole said...

Damn, @Yam. What does this look like all up in here? Dear Famous Google dot blogspot dot com??

the FoOl said...

ass-tronomical. ass-tounding. ass-inine. bum-bass-tic. a-bum-dant.
m-ass-ive. v-ass-t.

Language fails to describe what she's packing under that brave bikini.

Dear Famous A$$hole said...

@The FoOL: a-bum-dant!? = WIN

Anonymous said...

I'm sorry to tell you, but that's not fat. That's muscle, through and through.

You might as well go back to feeling the same way, if you like. Or, you could get a grip on yourself.