Tuesday, May 20, 2008

If You Wanna Live In the Zip, You've Gotta Live By the Code, 90210

Dear Everybody, ***

You have got to be fucking kidding me with this piece of shit 90210 promo. Have you seen it?? A little piece of me is dying down deep inside because I have to say this, but this show looks like a big, heaping crap sandwich.

Let's analyze:

  • The original theme music (BOMP BOMP) def gets the old juices flowing, but a scant two seconds in and we've got our first sign of trouble: Brandon 2.0 and Dylan 2.0's lame ass hand shake slap combo. This is bad. Original Brandon did a faux punch--which managed to make him seem both masculine and good natured. These two look look like two whiny, nine-year old girls at summer camp.
  • Next we move on to the show's obvious villain--the bad girl daughter of Portia de Rossi from Nip/Tuck who liked to have cocaine snorted off her belly before she performed kinky sexual acts on men old enough to be her father--like her gay mother's lover's ex-husband. Ok, this chick could m-a-y-b-e, possibly be interesting.
  • This is West Beverly High's newest young gun douche teacher. OMG! I wonder how many eps it will be till this chump is fucking the head cheerleader?
  • Some dude has his shirt half tucked in and half out and is wearing a skinny tie. I kid you not!
The rest of the promo is crap, crap and more crap starring the new 90210 cast (cool moms, cool grandmas and cool teachers, oh my!).

As if this promo wasn't lame enough, they've managed to come up the single most colosally ridiculously tagline I've ever heard:

If you wanna live in the Zip, you gotta live by the code.”

I think my ears are bleeding and...yep, I definitely just choked on my own vomit. This is seriously the best you network suits can do? I mean, have you ever even seen Gossip Girl??

Anyway, I hope you make me eat my words CW...I really do. You've got your work cut out for you, but I'm not giving up on you yet.

Bitches for Brenda,

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1 comment:

D RO said...

That Brandon 2.0 slap comment is genius.. BRING BACK THE ANDREA CHARACTER(and her token surfboard pose)