Dear Everyone, ***
I'm guessing you've probably all heard about Perez Hilton's new subscription phone service by now, but just in case, let me fill you in: basically you send that fat, pink-haired, annoying punk $5 a month, and then he calls you every once in awhile with an annoying, screech-filled recorded gossip news flash.
In case you're wondering why the fuck you'd pay that douche for something he gives you for free on his own damn website every day, you're not alone.
However, as committed as we are to remaining on the front lines of the latest technology trends, Dear Famous Asshole decided to launch a competitive service to Hilton's "Gossip on the Go" program which we are fondly calling "Eh, Whatever, Blah, Blah, Blah."
Always looking towards the needs of you, our loyal readers, our service is far more in depth and comprehensive than Hilton's. In fact, we will call your asses up to 8 times a day (Perez only calls you 8 times a month, losers). We won't be using any special sound effects, are not at all down with enthusiasm or fake screechy queen-isms, and can't promise that we'll actually give a shit about any of the stuff that we're calling you about. But at least you'll know what's up when someone at your staff meeting says "Hey, does anyone know what Jamie Lynn Spears named her stupid baby??"
Best of all, this shit is totally 100 puhr-cent FREE.
You can even take a taste test by clicking the blue arrow on our handy mp3 player below:
Buy one, get one free,
[UPDATE: We gave Eh, Whatever, Blah, Blah, Blah a good old college try and made it through one whole day of riveting gangsta gossip messaging. Then we started getting barraged by emails from all of our homies on Facebook who were pissed off that we were neglecting our ongoing Scrabulous games...and so we decided to suspend the service. No need for a money back guarantee, though, since you never paid us shit to begin with you cheap ass motherfuckers.]