Friday, June 20, 2008

SYTYCD Week 2 Eliminations: Susie & Marquis Get Jacked In Their Holes

Dear Susie & Marquis,

As Flo Rida so aptly put it: "whoa hot damn, this just wasn't (sic) your jam."

Marquis: you are unbelievably talented and your technique seems pretty freakin' flawless, BUT your name is ridiculous and, for some reason, you def were not as likable as all of the other dudes. I mean, you seem like a way better dancer than Chris, but he's got those eyes...and those adorable flushed cheeks...and you kind of look like Alfonso Ribiero from Silver Spoons. And it just doesn't work.

Susie: as far as teachers go, it just doesn't get any hotter than you. If I were a 17-year-old, Pro-activ usin' World of Warcraft devotee, I'd be jerkin' off to cell phone pics of you e-v-e-r-y night. But let's be honest: you didn't have a jalapeno pepper's chance in Caliente of making it past week three without some sort of divine intervention. I give you mad props for limping through the action as long as you did, and I'm totally positive that the upcoming productions of Grease, My Fair Lady and West Side Story that you'll oversee at your high school are going to be fucking epic. In the meantime, you need to do something about your hair. That shit looks good on NO ONE and as a Hooters-girl-resemblin', pre-pubescent cougar, you gotta keep yourself in check if you don't wanna be mistaken for a tranny at the Salsa bars in Miami.

And so SuMarq, your time with us is dunzo. The cool thing is, we'll always remember you both for going out on the show where Nigel grabbed his junk and Cat went girl gangsta.

We laughed...we cried...we went banoodles.

Asta la vista babies,
me

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1 comment:

Alan P. said...

Holy shit, you're a funny ass bitch!