Monday, June 23, 2008

Fine. I Admit It. David Beckham Gets Me Hard Too

Dear Becks, **

As the NYT reported a couple of weeks ago in their story on that new documentary, Bi The Way, "looking at a naked man walking on the beach is about as exciting as looking at landscapes,” for most women. They went on to say that chicks got hot for images of almost everything else on the planet including naked snaps of other chicks, chicks doing calisthenics, and monkey's doing the nasty. But naked pics of guys? Eh.

You, however, I think might be the one exception to that like a really big way. Which probably explains why the entire city of San Francisco is in a self-imposed fuck frenzy fantasy over you and your new ad for Armani, in all its ginormous glory, in SF's Union Square.

True confessions: I seriously dig you too, though the reason I'm kinda gaga for you is likely not even on anyone else's radar. It's kind of embarrassing actually, because I don't even know what the Christ the proprer anatomical term for these things are--these things of yours that get me all hot and bothered--but I'm pointing to them up above. And also here:

WTF are those things called!?

They're like the river beds that lead to your man lake. Or like the putting green en route to your 18th hole. The on ramp to your man trak. They're gorgeous, and in my humble opinion, are totally your show pieces.

If I knew what the fuck these things were called, I think I could easily start a grassroots campaign to get them the sort of mad props that tits and ass enjoy for women. Like, I'm ready to start a real movement here. But that's really the crux of the whole fucking problem right there, isn't it? Why the hell am I familiar with the word tittsicles and yet I have no clue what those man parts of yours are called?? I mean, I don't even know what the eff I'm supposed to google here?

Which just brings home the fact that its time for action. We NEED to start educating people, David! Knowledge is power! I'm envisioning baby tees, live strong bracelets, and definitely tote bags. Coffee Mugs and baseball hats we can do second tier. If only someone could tell me what the fuck all this merch was gonna be sayin...what ARE those things called???

Anyone?? Please help.

wrecked by Becks,

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Anonymous said...

I believe they are inguinal ligaments but that just doesnt sound sexy enough.

Dear Famous A$$hole said...

Thank You, anon 6:36! Halleleujah!

Though yeah...inguinal ligaments doesn't really pop on a tote bag or a baseball cap.

How about "iligs" (pronounced eye liggs)...i.e. Beckham's iligs are smokin'hot...?

slanderific said...


Dear Famous A$$hole said...

Ok,fine. I DID look up tittsicles. But I've used it in a sentence already like 3 or 4 times since!

Anonymous said...

Dear Famous, Your blogs are killing it. They are so funny and smart!


Anonymous said...

they're called "v cuts"

Anonymous said...

i believe that is called the "adonis belt"