SYTYCD Week 4: Hip Hop on Sleeping Pills, Monumental Stillness & Mock Turtlenecks

Dear Everyone, ***

PHEW, that was a lot of dancing! Even my ass is tired after all that and all I did was walk back and forth to the motherfucking refrigerator for two hours.

Uhm...was it me, or was Mary wearing a sparkly mock turtleneck?? I mean, that was a mock turtleneck, was it not?? I was waiting for her to pull out a gun from under the desk and hop on a motorcycle---she looked like she came straight off the set of Charlie's Angels.

Nigel was all business this week, and almost got lynched by the audience after a series of rising "boos" nearly did him in.

Napoleon & Tabitha: love you bitches to death on the dance floor, but as judges, you're kinda boring. Also, when you're up there being "jujus" we don't get to see any of your choreography, and based on the fact that I am not feelin those other E. Coast hip hop "hard hitting" (wha??) choreographer chicks, like at all, this was a problem for me last night.

Now for the motherfucking dancing:

Will & Jessica
Choreographer: Tony Meredith & Melanie
Jive
Oh, sorry...did the program already start? Snore. This dance was all about the flips and the tricks. That one leap through Will's legs was awesome, but correct me if I'm wrong: aren't we all just sitting here on our couches, looking at our watches and waitin' for Jessica's ass to be sent home? That bitch is managing to successfully eat away at my love for Will, and I'm not happy about it. Go home, Jessica....pretty p-l-e-e-z.

**Sidenote SYTYCD producers: Who the fuck decided to kick off the show with this Jive!? You can't tip off a freakin two hour show with some pansy ass number like that.

Comfort & Thayne
Choreographer: Andy Something
Broadway
HELLO, TYAYCo. Nowwwww we're talkin, motherfuckers.

Again, my ongoing hatred for the Broadway numbers is nowhere to be found this year. This jam was fun...and sexy...and surprising, and I totally dug it. I thought they mostly did a great job and was kinda shocked that Nigel took a big fat dump on their faces, but he totally did.

Kourtni & Matt
Choreographer: Can'tunderstandCatatall2Night
Hip Hop
This was, perhaps, the worst dance we've seen yet this season. Those two just make me feel weird. Mary totallly hit the motherfuckin nail on the head with her commentary: we felt nothing. Nada. Zip. Before they even started dancing I was thinking about how uncomfortable they each looked in their own outfits. I mean, at least they weren't dressed like homeless people this week, but this wasn't much better. These two need to grab the super saver fare with Jessica and get the fuck outta dodge.

Chelsie & Mark
Choreographer: Mandy Moore
Contemporary
Kiss it out, bitches. I'm saying it here, and I'm saying it loud: these two are the Brangelina of SYTYCD. Their chemistry is always kickin' it at 10, and so far, they can do no wrong. It does seem like they've been insanely lucky with their choreogrographer matches week after week (like almost suspiciously so), but I don't really give a shit, because I love them both so much I'd let either one of them tie me up in a closet and order me around like I'm their little bitch.

Twitchidor
Choregorapher: Tony Meredith & Melanie
Passo Double
Ok, done right, I truly think that the Passo is one of the hottest dances out there. These two tore it up and I was riveted pretty much the whole time. It was passionate, and dramatic and I still love me some Twitch. The judges were mostly so so about it, but these two are still holdin onto their homecoming king and queen crowns, in my opinion.

Katee & Joshua
Choreographer: Mia Michaels
Contemporary
This could, maybe, possibly be my favorite dance of the season thus far. Goddammit, Mia you annoy the living crap out of me but you are a fucking dance jesus genius. I literally started to cry halfway through this number. And then Josh getting so touched at the end like that!?: "it's so much more than just dancing." My heart is in a puddle on the floor...can I use your do rag to mop it up, Josh?

Courtney & Gev
Choreographer: E. Coast Hip Hop Bitches
Hip Hop
This jam was a lot of fun and I thought Courtney was pretty gangsta-riffic. I'm still not really fellin' these choreographers, tho, which is sort of buggin b/c hip hop is normally my fave shit. Anyone else annoyed by those be-yotches?

Will & Jessica
Choreographer: Mandy Moore
Contemporary
*Hot Tamale Train
Will was back for me in dance two, BIG time. He is just so freakin riveting to watch. Jessica kinda, sorta, I guess did pull it out for this one too, but you know what: too little too late for me. Mary put this one on the Hot Tamle train, but Will is really the one that earned his ticket. Jessica could be a waitress on the Hot Tamale train, but that's about it.

Comfort & Thayne
Choreographer: Edward Simons
Smooth Waltz
Uhm, what the fuck was up with this music? I felt like I just got dropped off at a Renaissance Fair. This was def pretty to watch, but also hella boring. That lift was tight and they def have better chemistry with each other than they did with their last partners, but I think these two are still solidly bottom tier right now. I think Mary got way overly excited over this one.

Kourtni & Matt
Choreographer: Alex DaSilva
Mambo
Ok, I think I'm getting ready to kick Matt square in his permasmile. I'm convinced that this dude has velveeta cheez running straight through his veins. Kourtni was so meh, I'm now rethinking my Jessica stance. Thes two just suck balls.

Chelsie & Mark
Choreographer: Edward Simons
Fox Trot
Aside from the fact that Chelsie's dress seemed to be made out of muppet, this number also rocked the hizzy for me. Truthfully, I've been so busy bein all in love with Mark's dancing, I haven't really noticed how hot he is. But his bone structure, those smouldering eyes, and those eyebrows...I'd like to lick them right off his face. Nigel forgot to take his happy pill today (this is right about when the audience almost tarred and feathered him).

Twitchington
Choregorapher: Mia Michaels
Contemporary
Ok, though I didn't love this dance quite as much as Mia's first number, this was pretty fucking spectacular....but, also would have been sooo much better for me without the rose petals. Thank you, though Mia--very much. After watching the dancers week after week in so many numbers practicially fucking each other right out on the dance floor, you went out and just brought in a god damned bed so that they could fuck each other for really reals with all the necessary equipment. Nice work. (Also Cat calling Twitch "ripped" was just so cute, I can't stand it).

Katee & Joshua
Choreographer: Benji Schwimmer
West Coast Swing
Uhm. Wow. After the mind blowing-ness of their first dance, this sucked in ways I could not have even anticipated. Well, that's not totally true, because I do HATE WEST COAST SWING with the firey passion of a thousand burning suns, but still--this blew. Loved seeing Lacey in the promo clip though (miss you Lacey!!), but the rest of it? Ew. Mary has her "tra la la" bullshit...I've got a new one: "blah, blah, blah."

Courtney & Gev
Choreographer: Andy Something
Broadway
Their timing and coordination was waaay the fuck off in this number. It was super cute otherwise, but they couldn't seem to get their asses coordinated for one hot minute. But I still love these two and this jam was fun.

K, so here are my bottom three couples droppin quicker than Angelina's twinsies:
*Kourtni & Matt (again)
*Comfort & Thayne (again)
*Will & Jessica (only cause Jess NEEDS to go bye bye)

And goin home?: Jessica & Matt

Rock the vote people...I mean it.

I need a nap.

Mia Michaels makes me cry,
me

Related Posts by Categories