Dear Kherington & Gev, ***
Not since Jamie Lynn Spears showed her ass up on the internets 16 and pregnant, have I been quite so shocked. I hate to say it, but I just can't help myself: last night was kind of banoodles.
I mean, in the grand scheme of things (i'm talking like Universe level here), this shit is good because it says this: we, as a society, are willing to give people second chances. This explains why Comfort's ass is right now sittin' pretty on Nigel's lap as Cat serves her caviar and after dinner drinks-n-shit.
Unfortch for you homies, it means a one way ticket on the Hot Tamale Train to nowhere.
Kherington: Don't think we all didn't notice that look you gave Cat when she announced it was your ass that was hittin' the road. We did...and it was kind of funny. And like you, we were all thinking the same thing: WTF? Ok, so you weren't gonna win the show...fine...but there isn't a motherfucker alive who watches SYTYCD that would not have bet their house, car, wife and kids on the fact that it would have been Jess's ass goin' home last night if she hadn't dislocated her vagina like she did. Comfort comin' back and for once, ONE TIME hittin' like she did was unexpected...and unfortunate. For you, at least. So, in summary: while you do have the stupidest name I've ever heard, you are a killer dancer...and I unexpectedly dug you in ways I had never anticipated after you were paired up with Twitch. You definitely shouldn't have gone home last night, but you did, so....yeah.
Gev: I wasn't as surprised about your departure as I was Kherrington's only b/c, again, you were not destined to win this motherfucker. BUT you were rockin' it throughout this w-h-o-l-e competition and we noticed it week after week. Your pairing with my girl Courtney was one of my favorites of the season and your recent solos were seriously off the chain. But bottom line: we were not, as a dance nation, prepared to lose Mark yet, so it had to be u. Hopefully you won't mind going down in the SYTYCD annals as the Dominic 2.0 of season 4--I know we'll be seein' your ass again around the dance-o-sphere, so turn that frown upside down and go fuck Courtney one last time before you're shipped off to the airport.
The group numbers were kickin' and...HELLO NIGEL? I mean, I'm not quite sure what "choreographer" meant behind the scenes since he thanked some other peeps for "assisting him." And true, there was no sophistication or storyline to that guy's dance at all, but still! I'm proud of you Ni-ge!
Despite the fact that it felt a little too Christian for my Jewy ass, Mia Michaels number was also beautiful [sidenote: WTF is the protocol on bringing your OWN damn self to tears with your own freakin choreography?? That bitch was ready to give her very own ass a standing ovation].
And as far as I'm concerned, the more Bollywood the better.
Ok, Gevington, its time. Give mommy a kiss now and go. Quick...like you're ripping off a band-aid. GO!