Thursday, July 24, 2008

SYTYCD Week 7: We All Got Punk'd In Our Shish Kebabs!

Dear Everyone, ***

Goddammit, two more weeks--tha's it?? How did this shit all go down so fast? I got way too much summer left for SYTYCD to already be over, but no bitch ass tears allowed before the motherfuckin' sun comes up.

"Oh Mickey you're so fine, you're so fine you blow my mind."

NOTE to Toni Basil: "I really enjoyed it" is not exactly considered helpful criticism. You seem like a perfectly lovely lady and like obvs are a great choreographer (Bette Midler, etc), but hot damn, you did not add one single solitary second of insight to ANYTHING that was goin on the whole freakin' not once. I think I'm going on record that she was actually the worst guest judge of the whole season. So, there. How ya like me now!?

Nigel and Mary seemed particularly chummy last night. I stopped counting the double entendre/sexual innuendo jokes at three.

Cat looked totally fuckable, as per u'su.

Now for the motherfucking dancing:

Courtney & Will

Dance #1
Jean-Marc Generaux
If I were Courtney, I would seriously never wear anything except for those half dress, body suit, sexpot numbers that she looks so fuckin' fly in. DAYM, gurl! My bitch Court h-i-t IT on this jam. I don't know what the fuck a promenade run is Mary, but I thought these two were smokin' up that dancefloor like a Cheech and Chong movie. Now THAT's how you start a motherfuckin show!

Dance #2
Choreographer: TabPoleon
Slow Hip Hop (wha??)
Ok, the real freakin' photo album was over the top adorable, right? Seriously, I found this jam to be way more touching than that Mia Michaels bit she choreographed in memory of her dad last season that everyone pissed in their pants over. Mary's fakeouts are getting a bit tedious, yes, but this joint was insanely emotional and touching for a hip hop number. And, I'm sorry to keep singing the I Love Courtney song, but that bitch is my shorty...for real, for real. Best quote of the night from Toni Basil: "America will never feel the same again about dance after this show." Preach!

Twitch & Katee
Dance #1
Choreographer: Mia Michaels


Knock Knock
Who's There?
Mia Michael's ego
JK loozers, this one rocked it to the miggity maxx. These two were fantastic together and are both clearly superstars. Katee, everyone loves your ass so much its almost shameful. And Twitch is still my motherfuckin' bitch! Mia...jeezus christ you can choreograph the shit out of just about anything--that joint was fun, funky and good to the last drop.

Dance #2
Choreographer: Tyce Diorio

Ok, I hated that hamster on Katee's head that was supposed to be her ponytail. Eww. Otherwise, this jam was cute...and def well danced. I feel a bit more meh toward this one since I'm not generally a Broadway fan and this routine was not quite as Tyce Diorio 2.0 as some of his other ones have been, but it was still really good.

Comfort & Mark
Dance #1
Hip Hop

Hot jam of the night alert! Hells yeah, motherfuckers! I gotta give Comfort some props, b/c she has def stepped up her game in the past couple of weeks, and this first dance was a prime rib example of that shit. And hello Mark! HOLY gangsta groovin, homes. I was a little bitter that Comfort was still around after last week, but I think that actually might be fading a bit. Also, I'd still like to eat Mark up with a spoon for dessert.

Dance #2
Jean-Marc Generaux

Gotta agree with Nigel on this one: it was just OK for me, dawg. Old Comfort (i.e. sucky Comfort) was back with a vengeance on this jam, and its upsetting because this bitch is likely gonna bring my man Mark down with the voting.

Chelsie & Josh
Dance #1
Argentine Tango

*Hot Tamale Train
Well, we haven't had choreographed sex on stage for awhile, so that was nice. These two had amazing chemistry and I have to say, I totally dig Dimitri's choreography. I'm pretty positive that the judges have yet to utter a harsh word about Chelsie, so she's still firmly planted in the "can do no wrong" camp. I'm not quite sure why Nigel felt the need to mention that Josh had the biggest butt in the competition, but as someone who has some junk in my own trunk, it was not, at all.

Dance #2
Dorianna Sanchez

I love the nightlife, y'all. That was hands down the best disco routine of the season thus far. these two were seriously out of control on this one. That one big lift when Josh lifted Chelsie straight over his head!? Holy hernia. That was insanity. Nigel loves his ass some disco too, so you know he was spooging all of the judge's table with this one.

In solo land, it was ALL about Will for me...that James Brown stuff was hott!.

Goddammit, this shit is hard now. It's like I can't even bring myself to choose to anyone...everyone is that freakin good. You bitches don't realize how hard this job is...sheet.

K, so here are my bottom two Boos:

(eventhough I think she seriously rocked it)

And bottom two Boyzz:

And goin home?: Comfort & Mark (FUCK!)

In honor of the best freakin couple to evah hit the SYTYCD stage, I would highly recommend you check out this Mark & Chelsie tribute (sniff).

Vote or die,

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