WTFAYTA Fergie: Clumsy

Dear Everyone, ***

I'm not sure why, but for some crazy Black Eyed Peas reason, I kind of love every single one of Fergie's songs. I even love Fergie's name...and often what she wears (i.e mom shorts = win). OH, and also: she's smokin' hot.

So, she's been on my WTFAYTA radar for awhile now.

Also, I've tried really hard to incorporate "Fergalicious" into my vocab and, uhm, its goin' pretty well I guess. I mean, this blog is pretty fuckin' Fergalicious--so there's that. And this post, in particular, is over the top Fergalicious, so yeah.

Anyway, let's get to it!

WTFAYTA Fergie?


Clumsy:
The girl can't help it oh baby Can't help it
I'm not very good at practicing self-control or making smart decisions...esp when I drink (LOL!) I can't help myself!

First time
That I saw your eyes
You remember...we were at that little bar in the E. Village...the one where there is no name above the door and you just havta KNOW that its there? I had just broken up with that asshole trader dude who always said "righteous" and dragged his "ssss"...like this: "RIGHTEOUSSSSSSSS." Gawd was that annoying. Anyway, he dumped me and I was pissed and feeling fat...and then you walked in and I was all: hello witch your bad self.

Boy you looked right through me, mmm mmm
Yeah, so you were there with your friends and like, at first, did not notice me at all. I tried walking by a few times and still no dice, so then I unbuttoned my shirt two (!) buttons too low (and pretended like OOPS, didn't realize!) and parked myself on the stool right next to your ass, and that seemed to work pretty ok...after eight or nine drinks.

Play it cool
Yes I have a job (kinda). No I don't live with my parents (all the time).

But I knew you knew
That cupid hit me, mmm mmm
Duh...like why else would I have given you a bj in the bathroom if there wasn't some sort of real karmic konnection.

You got me trippin oh, stumbling oh, flippin oh, fumbling oh
Clumsy cuz I'm fallin in love, in love
You got me slippin oh, tumbling oh, sinking oh, fumbling oh
Clumsy cuz I'm fallin in love, in love
So in love with you
i.e. Clumsy, like with my birth control pills

Can't help it
Sex on the beach

The girl can't help it oh baby
Sea breeze

Can't help it
(jaeger shot)

The girl can't help it oh baby
Lemon Drop ( Thx Carlos!!)

Can't help it
Pomegranate Martini

The girl can't help it oh baby
Can't help it
White Russian (= beginning of the end)

Can't breath When you touch my sleeve, Butterflies so crazy, mmm mmm Whoa now, think I'm goin down
Bj. Bathroom. Haven't we discussed, already?

Friends don't know whats with me, mmm mmm
Yeah cause like I have my sister's wedding coming up and I sure as hell am NOT gonna be sittin at that head table looking like some pathetic single thirtysomething out of a fucking Emily Giffin chick lit book...so like I need some sort of a motherfuckin game plan...and you were pretty much it (and also I think you promised you go with me that first night...when we were in the bathroom and I asked you. Do you remember? Right before you bj?).

You got me trippin oh, stumbling oh, flippin oh, fumbling oh
Clumsy cuz I'm fallin in love, in love
You got me slippin oh, tumbling oh, sinking oh, fumbling oh
Clumsy cuz I'm fallin in love, in love
So in love with you
Like this: "Cute drunk girls dancing and falling on their ass"

You got me trippin oh, stumbling oh, flippin oh, fumbling oh
Clumsy cuz I'm fallin in love, in love
You got me slippin oh, tumbling oh, sinking oh, fumbling oh
Clumsy cuz I'm fallin in love, in love
So in love with you
And this: "Drunk Bitch"

Can't help it
The girl can't help it oh baby
Can't help it
The girl can't help it oh baby
Can't help it
The girl can't help it oh baby
Can't help it
So in love with you
I mean, it kinda felt like I couldn't help myself that first night, but that was mostly because I couldn't fit into those $300 Paige jeans I had just bought and I had convinced myself that no one would ever want me again...ever. And then like you did...that night! Right there in the bathroom! LOL!

You know, this isn't the first time this has happened to me This love sick thing
That was in 7th grade after I let Matt Leibowitz get to second base with me behind the bleachers in gym class. We never spoke again after that. Good times.

I like serious relationships and a A girl like me dont stay single for long
HELLO...major self esteem issues

Cuz everytime a boyfriend and I break up
(which is pretty fucking often, actually)

My world is crushed and I'm all alone
see lyrics to "All By Myself" (yes...the Celine Dion version)

The love bug crawls right back up and bites me and I'm back
Kind of like crabs--not that like I have ANY idea what that's all about but I read something in Cosmo once and like also overheard these two chicks in the locker room of my gym talking. Other than that, I have no experience at all with STD's...I mean zero. N-o-n-e.

Can't help it
The girl can't help it oh baby
Can't help it
The girl can't help it oh baby
Can't help it
The girl can't help it oh baby
Can't help it
I mean, fine...I was calling a lot and also had no right to show up at your office that one day unannounced (or set up that meeting with your boss) but I def think the restraing order was maybe a teensy bit over the top? Just a smidgen?

Can't help it
The girl can't help it oh baby
Can't help it
The girl can't help it oh baby
Can't help it
The girl can't help it oh baby
Can't help it
I don't know...I mean, I don't think I'd be hanging on here so hard if there weren't like a really real, for REALS konnection between the two of us...doncha think?? I mean, you told me yourself that you thought I was super hot (that first night...in the bathroom...before the bj) and that was like a pretty major turning point for me.

You got me trippin oh, stumbling oh, flippin oh, fumbling oh
Clumsy cuz I'm fallin in love, in love
You got me slippin oh, tumbling oh, sinking oh, fumbling oh
Clumsy cuz I'm fallin in love, in love
So in love with you
Restraining order, blah, blah, blah
Will you call me back if I agree not to call you more than 12 times per day?

Clumsy cuz I'm fallin in love, in love
You got me slippin oh, tumbling oh, sinking oh, fumbling oh
Clumsy cuz I'm fallin in love, in love
Do you have any friends you could set me up with?

So in love with you
So in love with you
So in love with you
I still really think this could work.

And, we did it! Another song parsed and dismantled from the inside out...yay us.

I don't know about you, but it seems to me that there's a motherfuckin lesson for every single one of us here: bj's in the bathroom of a nameless bar with strangers = (usually) bad news.

Thanks, Fergie! That was Fergalicious!

Wanna go down like London Bridge,
me

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