Tuesday, August 26, 2008

George Bush to Diddy: 'Tighten Up Your Belt, Homes...It's Gonna Be One, Bumpy Motherfuckin Ride'

Dear President Bush, *

Our oil crisis has officially reached critical motherfucking mass.

Unemployment is ticking up, the real estate market is in the shitter, my friggin 401k lost money for like the first time since Nam, and now THIS!?

Diddy. Flys. Commercial.

(Yeah, I know). You might wanna let that shit marinate in your brain for a minute or two.

Can you spell C-R-I-S-I-S?

I mean, you don't have to be David fucking Blaine to figure out that this shit means its gotten just about as bad as it can possibly get.

Check out this goddammed math, Mr. Prez:

2 flights r/t from NY to LA on Diddy's jetstream per month = $250,000 x 2 = $500,000!

Amount of time Diddy spends vlogging per month = 72 hours

Divided by amount of time Kanye West spends blogging = 3.14 kilocalories

Well...whatever. It's an insanely complicated equation, ohkay? But the take away is actually really pretty simple G dub: if we live in a world where P fucking Diddy can't afford to fly his own jet around the friendly skies without taking out a cash advance on his paycheck, we live in a pretty fucked up motherfucking world.

American Airlines, son!

I mean, Moses had the parting of the Red Sea and now we've got this.

It's obvies time for some major change.

(jus sayin)

It's not easy bein' green,

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