Wednesday, August 6, 2008

Miley Cyrus is Better Than Everyone At Everything: Congrats To The Ultimate Dance Off Champion

Dear Everyone, ***

OMG, you bitches totally suck!

How could I have missed this? And how could no one have emailed me/twittered me/or facebook'd me about it??

Miley Cyrus and ACDC had their final, in-person dance off at the Teen Choice Awards this past Sunday, and not one of you mofos bothered to fill me in!?


I've been tuned into this action from day one and (sniff) I'm, admittedly, a little sad that my one and only legitimate connection to the sexy pic, iphone lovin' tween queen has now been permanently quashed. But like also, I'm kinda outraged.

What you don't see in the vid is Miss Fergalicious herself, crowning Miley & Mandy the ultimate dance off champs as the audience cheers on with unbridled, hysterical Hannah Montana glee.

M&M Cru won?? Wha??

I mean, fine. I admit it. I do love me some Miley, but an M&M Cru victory!? That shit is just cracked out Whitney Houston-like insanity.

ACDC rawked the motherfuckin house out at every stage of this dance off, and goddamit, they wuz robbed!

All those screaming teenyboppers done gone and had their brains scrambled up by those hott pix of Miley's abs-n-shit. That's the only explanation.

Or maybe it was just LL.

I mean, that is sort of the quickest way to end any ongoing longterm beef. I believe the Law of LL states: if you can convince LL Cool J to publicly take your side in any ongoing conflict, whether real or imaginary, the other side must immediately concede defeat or risk permanent, unrelenting societal embarrassment.

And so, the biggest online dance battle in the history of the world has, sadly, come to an abrupt and shocking end.

"Mama said knock you out," indeed,

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