Tuesday, September 9, 2008

The Hills, S4: 5 - 'You're Not The Bad Guy Here'

Dear Everyone, ***

First of all, I suck.

In all of the buzz about Russell Brand, Britney, the not-to-be-missed VMA's, blah, blah, blah, not once did I see an ad for the super secret pre-VMA Hills ep...WTF, people??

And so I missed the whole fuckin thing.

Tivo has been set and I will catch up, but as of now I'm relying on my 3 minute "Last week on the Hills" recap at the beginning of the show.

And surprise surprise, nothing fucking happened. Except that LC and Lo, bored with the LA setting of their ongoing Audrina tension, decided to switch it up and move the awkwardness and uncomfortableness of it all to Vegas. Cuil!

First off, my hat's off to Lady Gaga's PR people. I don't know a fucking thing about this woman, but after enduring her painful presence on an ep of So You Think You Can Dance this summer in which she was wearing a very high cut leotard, here she is again on the motherfucking Hills. Bravo people...for reals.

My continually evolving hatred for Spencer and wish for harm upon him and his family is prompting me to think I might need to be in therapy. Srsly...its gotten that bad.

Like the passive/agressive douchetard that he is, he somehow manipulates Heidi's sister Holly into asking him about Heidi's feelings and then tells the (admittedly) dumbass ho that Heidi is just sittin around all day talking about how she wants her to move out of their apt. Mind you this is after approximately 48 hours of co-habitation.

Holly then storms her ass out of there and when Heidi comes home wondering where dear ole sis is, Spencer acts like he has no fucking clue. Like that shit never even happened.

But because this show is fake, fake, fake, obvies Heidi knows that something happened and so she proceeds to have the ONLY sort of interaction she and Spencer have with one another these days: a fight.

Elsewhere in the land of la, LC is still just wrecked over the state of affairs with her former (but maybe still if she can rescue things) BFF Audrina [FYI, its REALLY HARD to lose a best friend, people, and LC knows this all too well from her first-hand experience with Heidi].

Despite the fact that the producers forced Lauren to be friends with Audrina way back when becuz she was hott, and liked to prance around in bikinis, and that's how it works on The Hills, it doesn't mean that she has not since developed real and true BFF feelings for the bitch. And that shit hurts when its not right.

I mean, if you take the second "F" out of "BFF" you may as well just be an "F," and like what the fuck is the point of that??

So after a build-up that was so tension-filled I was unsure if Jack Bauer was gonna jump his ass out from LC's closet, these two bitches FINALLY have a heart-to-heart and talk shit out.

Of course Audrina ends up looking like the biggest moron to ever hit my flatscreen...and of course there is crying...and of course no one is wearing waterproof mascara, BUT LC and Audrina call a detente and everyone is now BFF Again!!! (except Lo and Audrina who still hate each other and will forever).


As Whitney says, "Yay!"

In other news:
*Lo's still rockin' her side part
*Frankie, Brody & Doug went to "casino jail" in Vegas
*Whit is getting more responsibility at work from Kelly Cutrone
*And I still want to cut myself for tuning into this motherfucking show every week

the rest is still unwritten,

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