Dear Everyone, ***
In an ironic twist of fate, yesterday was ACTUALLY Heidi's for realz bday. And to celebrate, the producers of The Hills threw a totally fake party for some douche-tastic Maroon Five ripoff band called The White Tie Affair....but Heidi wasn't even invited!
This is after we had an entire ep about Audrina's bday...AND an entire ep about ShePratt's bday...and even an entire fucking ep about Brody's birthday! (or was it Frankie..whatev, you catch my drift).
The majority of tonight's action centered around this fake party:
*First Audrina got some fake responsibility when she was tasked with inviting 250 hiptards to this fake non-event.
*Then Lo and Lauren (and ShePratt) faked their own interest in attending the fake party.
*JustinBobby faked giving a shit about Audrina when he agreed to meet her ass at the fake party.
*Then White Tie faked a killer performance for a real crowd of totally disinterested people at their fake party.
*The party crowd faked giving a shit about White Tie as 10 particularly ambitious crowd members actually threw their hands in the air and waved 'em around like they just didn't care.
*Then LC, Lo and ShePratt faked actually enjoying themselves and faked being proud of Audrina for finally, kind of accomplishing something...even if that something was pretending to put together a totally fake party.
*Then JustinBobby didn't show, which obvies means his love for Audrina = totally and completely fake.
Our "B" story (and by "B" I mean totally fucking boring) involved Heidi's sister Holly taking a page out of the Stephanie Pratt Guide 2 Life and inviting her out to lunch for a little grrrl talk.
Again we're treated to a deep and meaningful conversation about best friends when Heidi relays her friendship heartbreak woes to some bitch she works with...cause like it's really, really hard to lose a best friend. And like its just all so sad when one minute you have a best friend, and then there's a little bit of fighting, but there were still like years and years of best friendedness. And like where do all of those best friend feelings go?
Sidenote Heid: lose that beret...you look like Blair Waldorf threw up all over you.
I'm happy to confirm that Spencer Pratt's screentime has been reduced to approx :30 per ep.
I'm pretty positive this is the director's one and only note for Spence: "can you give me waaay more douche, dude?" Of course he fuckin delivers week after week after week...what a champ.
It looks like next week, the Pratt camp house of cards comes a tumblin down when ShePratt shows her true colors and tries to steal that guy with the private jet who LC dumped and totally doesn't give a shit about...unless/until one of her other friends does. Then she cares a LOT.
Say goodbye to yet another best friend, Lauren.
Oh. My Gaaah.
the rest is still unwritten,