The Hills, S4: 7 - Doug, Doug, Doug, DOUG, DOUG, Doug-N-More DOUG

Dear Everyone, ***

Holy fucking Christ, it's opposite day on The Hills!

Here's how it works: enemies are BFF's, BFF's are enemies, "couples" that hate each other love each other, minor characters on the show R all the sudden major. Get it???

Shit be crazy...shit be crazy, yo.

So, Lauren bounced off to Italy leaving all of her bitches to basically go fucking ballistic while she was busy eating gelato and fettucine alfredo...La Traviata, much?

I'd love to watch the ep again a second time and count the actual number of times that the word "Doug" is uttered by every single solitary Hillsian...because that is pretty much the only topic of conversation for the rest of the show.

So, yeah...Stephanie went on a date with Doug.

Yep, THE Doug.

Burrito King Doug.

Lauren's Doug.

The one she didn't like.

Yep, that one.

CALL THE FUCKING NY TIMES, PEOPLE!

Get Richard Branson on the line, because this shit needs to be written on a mother fucking scroll and launched into outer space in a tube so that from now until the end of time, people will come to truly KNOW the wrath that She Pratt has wrought upon the world by choosing to GO OUT TO DINNER WITH DOUG.

Le Sigh.

(Sidenote: I'm pretty sure that the fact that I'm still watching this show week after week is a definitive cry for help. I'm jus sayin).

So.

Stephanie went on a date with Doug. And though the earth didn't completely fold on its axis, the oceans didn't dry up and the hell fires were not rained down upon us all, they did run into Brody's mom. Which I guess is sorta the same thing. And she told everyone.

Game over, bitch.

Even if you know nothing at all about The Hills, you're probaby still aware of the fact that LC does NOT stand for this sort of behavior.

Spencer had his usu :30 second asshole cameo, and Lo and Audrina totally made out (metaphorically, at least).

JustinBobby wore a hat that said "Hooligans."

Shit's gettin' so whack, Whit doesn't even bother to show up anymore...I wish I had her strength.

the rest is still unwritten,
m.e.

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