Monday, September 29, 2008

Jump A Jonas! A Jonas Brother WILL Get Fucked (If I Have Anything To Do With It)

Dear Everyone, ***

I present to you all: A call to Arms.

For serious.

I insist that every pair of eyeballs currently reading this shit, stand up and for once in your life, take some action! Do something! Contribute!

There is a radio station in Grand Rapids, Michigan that is offering $10,000 smackers to any man, woman or child that can prove penetration with either Kevin or Joe Jonas (for those of you with a hard on for curly top Nick Jonas...sorry. The dude is only 16, and that's what we like to call i-l-l-e-g-a-l round these parts).

It's the "Jump A Jonas" contest!


Now, in order to collect your prize, you'll need to provide two pieces of proof, one of which needs to be a non-doctored video. I would suggest a Flip video camera, if you don't already own one. They're cheap, and super easy to hide in any standard pair of assless chaps or Dominatrix boots.

Now the other hitch is that you'll need to swipe the JoBro v-card with their consent. This point is key, as I guess the radio station doesn't want to be held responsible for a tween hearthrob rape (obvs).

I don't know about you, but I happen to think this contest is totally fucking awesome. In fact, I want to up this shit.

So here's the deal: If 104.5 WSNX actually does find some chump or chumpess who cops to getting a legit piece of JoBro ass, GET IN TOUCH WITH ME! If you can provide me with a pic of you doing something lewd and crude with a JoBro purity ring (JoBro needs to be in the pic too, people!), I'm willing to throw in an extra $500.


In case any of you bitches live in San Diego, I see that there is a Jonas Brothers concert coming up there on November 15th. You people are particularly well positioned to step up to the plate on this one.

For all you haters, you can go join the 18 other proJoBro l00zers in the STOP THE JUMP A JONAS CONTEST group on facebook. Or better yet, pony up your own hard earned cash in a counter contest: $25k to anyone who can prove they had an opp to fuck a JoBro and, instead, chose to stay chaste, for example. I don't know, figure it out for yourselves...I can't think of everything.

praise Jesus,

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