Katie Holmes Is Clicked The Fuck Out, Y'All

Dear Katie,**

Shit.

I knew that things were bad, but like I didn't know that they were THIS bad.

I think we can all agree that when Mrs. Tom Cruise is reduced to holing up in her closet and shooting secret videos about the evil team of Scientologists who are controlling her life and forcing her to wear plaid fucking pants, it just can't get much worse than that.

I mean, what's next?? A crazy right wing Vice Presidential candidate with a knocked up, coke whore teenager? The virtual unraveling of our entire financial landscape? Rappers blogging, for chrissakes?!

As if!

I want you to know that I consider each of these videos a call to arms, Katie (or is it Kate? Or was that all just more of this mind control bullshit!? Tell me what you like to be called, dammit!).

I'm like totally subscribed to your youtube channel now, and I'm gonna start a write-in campaign to see if I can get your ass on that show Intervention or maybe into that Dr. Drew Pinsky rehab clinic show.

In the meantime, you might wanna get some of those strips that you can dip into your food so you can check the ph levels for poisonous substances, and also probably you shouldn't drive your car or like leave your bedroom door unlocked...like e-v-e-r.

But you're gonna be OK, Katie!

Really!

(maybe).

(God, I hope so).

Hang in there grrl!,
m.e.

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