Dear Wasilla Pussy Posse, ***
I know its been a long time since my last group shout out, but we've got like a major code red situation on our hands.
Shit is getting SIRIUS, and I totally need all you guyzes help.
As my mamz says, "the media has a hard on for me BIG TIME," and they're just not gunna rest until they uncover every last bad thing I ever done did (Y'all can shut the fuck up right the fuck now, cause I ain't in the mood for jokes).
These homos are even posting my fuckin voicemail message for fun.
Anyway, the latest is that SOMEBODY (and I'm not naming names, but I would totally guess its that little jealous slut Lynesia) released a video of me smoking weed. Now, I know all y'all might be thinking "shit...there are probs like 100 videos of my ass smokin weed," but this shit is serious now, people!
I don't care how many fuckin' weed videos there are of me...I just need your help makin' sure that NO ONE else sees em.'
I already got a serious beatdown from the governator over this shit and I'm just panicked that is gonna get like way, way, worse.
Here's what needs to happen: I need you guys to go through all of the video that you might have of me. Look at ALL of it and go through shit with a fine toofed comb. Look for any footage of me OR Levi:
*doing keg stands
And if you find ANYTHING, get that footage to me right away. This is super important guys, and like a lot of you seriously owe me big time, so I really, really, need your help here. I will find a way to pay you for any of this footage and also take care of each you with the usual (wink wink : )
I don't even want to have to say this cuz it will guar-an-tee that my mom will kick my ass from here till next Tuesday, but we need to make sure that NO ONE, never, ever sees that stupid fuckin sex tape we all made after prom. I don't give a shit what sort of a "rockstar" you think you looked like, you all need to make sure that you've pulled ANY footage you have of that shit off of youtube/myspace/facebook, and don't even talk about it with anyone anymore, EVER.
All you bitches need to seriously step up to the plate now and help me keep these reporters runnin.
Obvs if my mamz gets into office with McOldy, this is gonna mean waaaay better axcess to all sorts of shit for all of us (like Jamaica Senior Trip, 2007!!!!), so this benefits you guys too.
I love all you guys, for realz...and I totally appreciate your help.
Wasilla Pussy Posse, Rawk on!