Thursday, November 6, 2008

Down Is Up, Up Is Down, And For One Shining Moment Elisabeth Hasselbeck Doesn't Act Like A Whiny Fucking Bitch

Dear Everyone, ***

As if the fact that we elected a smart, BLACK, anti-war, elite, Jew scum loving President isn't evidence enough, I'm here to tell you that the whole fuckin world has been turned upside down.

Shit be C-R-A-Z-Y, yo!

I submit the following as direct evidence of the afore mentioned:

Steve Guttenberg went jogging naked in Central Park - Ok, maybe this *is* a prank, but even still! And also, I kinda think that this is for reals. Like "the Goot" just got sick and tired of having to adhere to societal standards of wearing shorts on his runs. The wedgies and chafing was just too damn much for him, and he reached his breaking point with this pantsless jog which was, thankfully, caught on tape. He was like that dude on Network or Michael Douglas in that Falling Down movie where he just abandons his car in the middle of rush hour traffic one night. NO SHORTS, world! I jog commando!

Elisabeth Hasselbeck spoke...and I didn't want to punch her in her motherfucking face - I'm a big girl, and so I can give props when props R due: Elizabitch, you really did give a lovely concession speech yesterday. And, also I was very touched by the fact that she didn't get her daughter Grace all snaggled up in her web of Republican bullshit when she had a prime opp to do so. I've never seen her act like a non-annoying, non-whiny normal human being before, so it was quite a sight to behold (AND further proof, of course, that the world has gone batshit crazy).

3. I received a "tweet" from my new President - Say what you will about everyone embracing technology, grandmas texting, blah, blah, blah. It's still pretty fucking cool that our new Prez "solid as" Barack Obama had a campaign strategy that included communicating with his supporters via: phone, text, email, Twitter, Facebook, and the regular ole dub dub dub. That's never happened before. Then yesterday, I received the above message on Twitter. I mean, come on! I don't care if the dude had no fucking clue it was happening...and never was like "Srsly, people! We MUST get a tweet out on Twitter NOOOOOW." His ass was smart enough to hire someone on his team who did...and does.

4. Some moron changed his name from Garratt to Captain Fantastic Faster Than Superman Spiderman Batman Wolverine Hulk And The Flash Combined - Yes, I am serious. And no, there are no words.

5. Spaghetti Cat was on Desperate Housewives! - Right, like Edie hangs out on youtube. I mean, I guess some could argue that this isn't exactly batshit crazy, but I'm more amazed by the notion that fucking Spaghetti Cat is now a superstar international celebrity playboy.

And finally, as the ultimate evidence that things are insane in the membrane CRAZY: Michelle Obama, our new first lady and my SYTYCD partner-in-crime, chose to wear THIS dress to her husband's victory front of the whole fucking world...on election night:


If that shit doesn't convince you, I don't know what will.

This is a new America, people...and I fucking LOVE it!

power to the people,

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Anonymous said...

Great post! Agreed, that dress was horrible.

Amy Green. said...

I <3 u.

Dear Famous A$$hole said...

@amy green: I <3 u too

Also, your blog is hilarious and I would have left a comment saying so, but commenting isn't active! WTF!?

This is, perhaps, the funniest fucking thing I've read in a *very* long time:

Do you wanna be bffs?

Amy Green. said...

omg srsly? only if we can bitch about everyone behind their backs. and we can bitch about each other.


Dear Famous A$$hole said...

@amy green uh, yah. In fact I already started bitching about you to @anon 1:48. They think ur fat.

Amy Green. said...

that's what they said to your MOM about YOU.

P.S bff4eva!


Dear Famous A$$hole said...

@amy green: Yo momma's so fat,
when she hauls ass, she has to make two trips

LYLAS...besties 4eva