Wednesday, August 20, 2008

If Scarlett Johansson Is Your Fave White Girl, Kanye West, Where The Eff Does That Leave Me??

Dear Kanye, ***


Here's a question for you: how the hell do you think it made me feel when I surfed and turfed on over to Kanye universe city dot com today, only to discover that you have publicly declared Scarlett Johansson your "favorite white girl."

Answer: Like this chick did when Lily Allen punched her in the fucking face three times.

Basically, I'm bleeding love all over my macbook.

Your use of seven (!!!!!!!) exclamation points, did not do much in assuaging the Darfur-like pain shooting straight through my motherfucking heart as I clicked my ass through SIX pages of Scarlett Johannson photos. S-I-X pages, Yeez!?

You've got naughty Scarlett, sexy Scarlett, demure Scarlett, naked Scarlett, varsity letter Scarlett, rockstar Scarlett, nerdy Scarlett, Audrey Hepburn Scarlett, bikini Scarlett...can you say "overkill"?

And like what's so freakin' special about ScarJo anyway? I mean, I guess if you're into shit like a kick ass bod, a gorgeous face, an unbelievable rack or bee stung lips, she's OK, but way to be shallow, dude.

I admit, I've been totally lax in doing my weekly Kanye parses, but that doesn't mean that I'm not still 100% committed to the BeKanye way. And, also, like I thought we had something really special going?

This Scarlett thing just really threw me off tho, cause like there ain't no white girl that's whiter than I am.

I demand a recount, Yeez...don't count my ass out so fast.

caucasian persuasion,

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