SYTYCD Week 8 Eliminations: 'Hearts Are Breaking Wide Open All Across the World Tonight' for Chelsie & Mark

Dear Mark & Chelsie, ***

I am wrecked.

Completely.

I mean, I'm way more wrecked about you Mark than I am about you Chels, but I'm still beside myself.

There is def some symmetry in you two leaving together. You started together and made us fall in love with you together. And now it feels like you're breaking up with us together.

Mark: This is a bold statement, but what the fuck: you may be my fave SYTYCD-er of all time. I've loved the shit out of you every single week. In fact, your honeymoon period with Chelsie in the beginning of the show--when you two were just dancing circles around all the other couples-- was my tip off that this season was going to be off the hizzy. Your style is fresh, unique and exciting, and to top it all off you're g-o-r-g-e. The last six dancers are all amazing, but your ass is the one that stands out for me the most--your whole "march to the beat of your own drum" shtick just slays me and your future is shinging hella bright. I mean, I've never met you, and don't know a thing about you, but I was literally sobbing last night during your boob hug with Cat. Your dancing touched me...for realzy. And also, now I kinda wanna go to Hawaii to see if there are more people that look like you there.

Chelsie: You've def got a way with those latin men beats. When ur legs get going like they do, I sometimes have to squint to keep up with your ass on the flatscreen. I never quite connected with you on the same sort of intergallactic cosmic level that I did with some of the others (i.e. Court, Mark, Twitch), but I always enjoyed watching you. After you and Mark parted ways, I realized that I loved you way more when you were together with him, but I still loved watching your shit. If nothing else, you should be hella proud that Mia Michaels wants to stab you, because that's like #3 with a bullet on my motherfuckin bucket list.

Also, do you guys go to Cat Deely's house on the weekends for pool parties and potlucks-n-shit? Because never in the history of like ever, have I seen such a loving, caring and nurturing reality TV show host who is so connected to every single one of the contestants (except for Comfort). She genuinely, truly, madly deeply loves all your asses and it makes me want to squeeze her cheeks and rip her blouse off everytime I see her.

I'm still a bit confused over that Lady Gaga shit. If anyone can provide me with a coherent explanation regarding exactly WTF that was, please email me immediately.

Ok, kidz...time to jam.
LYLAS,
me

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