Gettin' Meaty With Jessica Simpson: This Bitch Knows Exactly Where The Beef Is

Dear Jessica, **

I know we've had our differences in the past, but this just fuckin' rules.

First of all, there ain't nothing that hits the spot for me like a conrnbeef, vienna sausage, extra rare roast beef with bacon sandy, so punch it in for givin' props to meat lovers like us everywhere. Oprah may be on her 21 day vegan-a-thon, but I say FUCK THAT SHIT right before I pop another chopped liver prosciutto pancake puff and wash it down with a raw egg bac-o-bits shooter. Meat RULZ.

After realizing that your meet lovers tee was not just a simple attempt at double entendre sluttiness, or a mere ode to beefy deliciousness, but also a big fat "bite me" to your BF Tony Romo's ex Carrie Underwood, it made me want to wrap you in fried breading and eat you up like a big ole pig-in-a-blanket. Carrie may be PETA's sexiest vegetarian alive two years running, but you're bringin' sexy back with the beef. And I, for one am roasting a whole effin pig right now in celebration.

If meat is murder, than murder is tasty,
me